Two Thousand and Fourteen - LOVE

I've learned a hella lot this year. I've had some fantastic experiences, both good and bad; all lifechanging.
As it draws to a close, you revisit the key moments, one key moment was meeting my other half and learning about LOVE and stuff.. This is what this Blog will be about. I claim to be in love... but so does my best friend.

My best friend is beautiful, she's funny, smart, charming, creative and a good person to be around. Yet she surrounds herself with idiots. She turned to me the other day and told me she's in LOVE with her man. Now, I'm not one to tell people how they feel... but this concerned me. He's a twat. He never walks her home, he'll ignore her for days on end and basically only comes round for sex or food. So, nope, Sunny's not a fan! But it also made me think, is LOVE different for everyone? Is my friend actually in LOVE or not... Am I in LOVE or not... I'm going to be honest, I dont have a clue. I'm not her, so I don't know. I don't know how he makes her feel... I think he's a tool but maybe she does LOVE this tool... Maybe she doesn't see his imperfections... but then maybe that's the difference between LOVE and lust. I do see my man's imperfections... But I LOVE him for them. Now I'm in no position to judge whether someone's in LOVE or not but LOVE is something that does fascinate me and it is most definitely played a key part in 2014. Everyone is different and I do hope that someday my friend does find LOVE, because I truly believe I have found it. I LOVE his imperfections, his smile, his attitude, his charm. Everything about him. It's the kind of LOVE that songs are written about.
Now I'd be lying if I claimed it was all sunshine and roses and smiles and laughter. For the majority it is, most definately all smiles and laughter! But it doesn't come without it's trials. That's life. I've made mistakes, specifically this year. Not just little mistakes... great big elephant mistakes! But that elephant in the room is a conversation for another blog... I mean we only just met, right?!
I've been with my man for 4 months. We were seeing each other and getting close before that. Now the other week I said the 'L word'. Risky, as we've only been together for a few months and probably a reason he didn't say it back. But there I was, cuddling him on the sofa, he nuzzles his head to mine (together, we're a bit soft like cats...) And I just quietly whisper "I love you". To be honest, I was just as shocked! It had been on the edge of my lips for a few weeks now and i was only going home to kick myself for not saying it. I had come close to saying it before, but we were in the throws of passion and i didn't think it suitable. But what made me realise that it was love, not lust, not infatuation or just a massive crush was because it was different this time.
I could actually see myself marrying this one. I imagine him as the father of my future kids. Although we hadn't been together long, we'd been through storms that would have wiped out any other couple I know. I'm going to be honest, or else you're gonna get confused. I cheated on him. I kissed another guy whilst I was seeing him. There was no excuse for it and I'm eternally sorry. But we got through it, as a team and we were honest. This is one of the factor's that made us stronger as a couple.
One of the reasons I stopped myself saying the 'Big L' earlier, was a fear of him not believing me. I'd hurt him, but we'd got through it, and we were stronger than ever, so one night I just thought 'fuck it'. Knowing I'd kick myself again if I didn't say it, I went for it. What's the worst that could happen...
I Love You.
'Aww' he replies as he kisses my forehead. Okay, that's the worst that could happen... He's acknowledged it with an 'aww'. Condecending fuckstick. This was on my mind on my way home, so much so I ran a red light... Shit.
But after a few days, we didn't really speak of it. I didn't expect much, hes a man, not really openly emotional... until you get a glasses of wine in him! He then told me how he felt. It was amazing and yes tears were shed... worth it though. He's not used the L word... but he will and when he does it will be fantastic!
So here's to 2015 and the LOVE that shall fill it!


Kisses, J xx